About Us
We're actually kind of boring. But you're here now, so you'd better read the whole page and find us hilarious. We'll know if you don't.
Geelong, VIC
Born and bred
Family Owned
Husband & wife team
B2B Since 2012
Phone systems & telco
Low Speed Disruptors
Low-cost residential 25/10 plans
Our story
IT'S FUBAR is a proudly Geelong-born and bred business. Not Sydney. Not Melbourne. Geelong. We feel strongly about this and will mention it at every available opportunity.
It started in 2012 as a weekends-and-after-hours side gig. While Harrison was working his way through some of Australia's major telecommunications companies by day, he was quietly running a sole trader operation on the side — helping local Geelong businesses with their phone systems, VoIP, SIP trunks, and all the telco bits that "the last guy" left in a questionable state. Most problems were fixed. Some were diplomatically blamed on the previous IT guy.
After more than a decade of building and running telecommunications infrastructure for other people, the obvious question became unavoidable: why keep doing it for someone else? In January 2023, IT'S FUBAR officially became a company — which mostly meant more paperwork, but also the opportunity to go bigger: launching NBN plans, deploying dedicated VoIP infrastructure across two states, and eventually becoming a direct RSP on the Opticomm network.
As a husband and wife team — Harrison on the technical side, and Meg keeping everything from descending into complete chaos — we believe that small, local, and actually-gives-a-damn can beat the big guys. We intend to prove it.
What makes us different
- Actually local. Geelong-based, not a call centre you'll never find on a map.
- Family-run. You're talking to the people who actually run the network.
- Refreshingly straight. No scripts, no non-answers, no "I've escalated this to the relevant team." If something's broken, we'll tell you — and if we don't know why yet, we'll find out.
- Honest pricing. No teaser rates, no surprise bills, no telco-speak.
- One throat to choke. Voice and data under one roof — if something breaks, there's no finger-pointing between providers. It's on us, and we'll fix it.
- Humans, not helpdesks. Real conversations with people who actually know what they're talking about — bad jokes included, free of charge.
Our journey
The beginning
While working full-time across a number of major Australian telecommunications companies, Harrison starts a sole trader side gig on weekends and after hours — servicing Geelong businesses with phone systems, networking, and all the telco bits that "the last guy" left in a mess.
IT'S FUBAR Pty Ltd is born
After a decade of building telco infrastructure for other companies, the obvious question finally wins out: why keep doing it for someone else? The sole tradership levels up into a fully incorporated company. More paperwork. More opportunity. Same questionable name.
First NBN plans go live
We officially enter the residential market. The disruption begins. Andrew N from Whirlpool has not yet been informed.
Dedicated VoIP infrastructure goes live
Softswitches come online in both Sydney and Melbourne, giving our voice services proper redundancy and call quality that doesn't sound like you're underwater.
Direct Opticomm RSP
We become a direct Retail Service Provider on the Opticomm network — owning our relationship with the network end-to-end, with no middle tier between us and your connection.
Still at it
Growing the residential customer base, maintaining our B2B roots, and continuing to prove that a small Geelong family business can go toe-to-toe with the big telcos. Watch this space.
Our mission
We operate under the hope that we'll one day receive enough positive feedback to overcome the emotional toll of the mean things people say about our extremely tasteful company name online. It consumes us. We are left with no choice other than to attack these comments head on.
Personally I'd avoid anyone who doesn't take their business seriously enough to come up with a better name than that.... whatever the price.
So, it's our mission to show people we're the best ISP the world has ever seen. Andrew N - if you ever see this - we'll give you a few months of internet for free if you contact us with a heartfelt apology and agree to have it posted here ;)
Meet the founders
The two people responsible for all of this. You're welcome, and sorry.
Harrison Caldicott
Co-founder & Network Engineer
Harrison has spent the better part of fifteen years working his way through some of Australia's major telecommunications companies — accumulating enough industry knowledge to be genuinely useful, and enough industry frustration to eventually go start his own thing. When people ask what he does, he says "IT" — because "Network Engineer" just leads to blank stares and polite nodding. He knows where the bodies are buried across most of the country's telco stack, and he is not afraid to tell you.
He is deeply allergic to corporate non-answers, scripted helpdesk responses, and the phrase "we'll need to escalate this to the relevant team." What you'll get instead is a straight answer — or, occasionally, a very honest "I don't know yet, but give me twenty minutes."
- Greatest achievement: losing his hair at 16
- Will never understand: how to slice bread evenly
Meg Caldicott
Co-founder & Operations Manager
Meg holds a PhD in bioinformatics — which makes running the day-to-day operations of a telco a completely natural career pivot, if you don't think about it too hard. She handles all order management, service provisioning, administration, and a generous portion of customer support. In practice, this means she is the reason things actually happen. Harrison figures out how to build it; Meg makes sure it gets built, activated, documented, billed, and followed up on, in the right order, without anything falling through the cracks.
She has a remarkable tolerance for bureaucracy, an even more remarkable tolerance for Harrison, and one non-negotiable rule: she will help you with absolutely anything — but never, under any circumstances, over the phone. This is not a preference. It is a boundary. Respect it.
- Greatest achievement: maxing out Chrome's tab counter
- Will never understand: how to keep houseplants alive
The feline board of directors
They don't do much, but they have strong opinions about meal times.
Willow
Burmese · Chief Executive Officer
Willow runs this place and she knows it. A regal Burmese with a commanding presence and a deep disdain for closed doors, human separation, and anyone who sits down without immediately offering their lap. Her strategic vision mostly involves relocating from one sunny spot to another, but we've found this approach surprisingly effective. All major business decisions are reviewed by Willow. Most are approved, provided nobody disturbed her during the review process.
- Core competency: sitting directly on the keyboard
- Leadership style: demanding
Griffin
Burmese · Chief Operations Officer
Griffin ensures the household runs smoothly, primarily by complaining loudly whenever it doesn't. As COO he takes a hands-on approach to operations — specifically, getting underfoot during critical moments and yelling at a volume that suggests genuine structural concern. His operational oversight of the litter box is second to none. Griffin believes every problem can be resolved with more yelling. He is not always right, but he is always loud.
- Core competency: mid-phonecall screaming
- Management style: vocal
Mr Wilson
Domestic · Chief Financial Officer
Mr Wilson's entire worldview revolves around food. When he will next be fed, whether he was adequately fed last time, and whether anyone else in the house is eating something he isn't. The concept of "this is not your food" is one he is aware of and has chosen to reject. As CFO his budget priorities are clear: food first, everything else a distant second. He has never once been late to a meal and considers this his greatest professional achievement.
- Core competency: bowl surveillance
- Risk appetite: enormous
Pepper
Sphynx · Chief Marketing Officer
Pepper is the only member of the team who is entirely hairless and entirely unbothered by it. As CMO she is responsible for brand visibility — a role she fulfils by simply being impossible to ignore. She is warm, curious, and profoundly weird. There is an ongoing rumour that Pepper only joined the family to make Harrison — who is also bald — look more like Dr Evil. Pepper cannot confirm or deny this. Harrison has been seen stroking her while monologuing. We said what we said.
- Core competency: crashing video calls
- Brand strategy: chaos